1500 Words on How to Tie Your Shoes (not including the title)

I suppose we should begin with the basics. There are several ways to tie one’s shoes and some are in fact more difficult than others. The varying degrees of shoe tying difficulty are first happened upon at around ages 3 to 5 when young ones first begin to learn the vital ability. The two most common techniques are both commonly referred to as the “bunny techniques.” This is due to the fact that many parents choose to explain these processes by claiming their children’s shoe laces are cute little woodland animals. Many parents agree that a child is more likely to pay attention if an element of fantasy is involved in teaching; hence instilling the “bunny” or “rabbit” metaphors.

The first, and easier, ways of the most basic ways to tie your shoes is the two loop method, or “bunny ears.” To perform this type of shoe knot simply separate the laces and begin by stringing one lace over then under the other. This is the start of a basic knot and will allow you to secure your shoe tightly. Next make two loops, one with each lace. And finally perform the first step using the loops rather than a straight lace, and pull tight.

The second method, or the one loop method, is slightly more difficult and is usually learned after the two loop method.  This method is commonly referred to as the “bunny and the tree.” This specific shoe tying method is accompanied by a sort of rhyme or song which goes, “the bunny runs around the tree and into the hole” where “bunny” could in fact be replaced by any other ground dwelling animal such as mouse, fox, or hedgehog (but then again, who the heck would say “the hedgehog runs around the tree and into the hole” that just sounds like nonsense). Catherine Inscore even published a poem that goes as such “Make two bunny ears. The bunny runs around the tree. The bunny jumps in a hole. Close it up tight!” To explain this process more precisely, the desired shoe tier should make a loop with one lace then bring the un-looped lace around the base of the loop, or “tree” and then bring the middle of the lace through the “hole” or second loop made. Finish it off by pulling tightly on both looped laces and “viola!” you have a one loop method shoe knot.

Other metaphors for tying shoe laces, or “cute little rhymes” if you prefer include, “loop-di-loop”, “Criss-cross and go under the bridge”, and finally “tee-pee tying”. Their respective rhymes are listed below for your instruction and enjoyment.

“Loop di loop”

loop di loop 
and tie them up
tighten it
and then get up

“Criss Cross and go under the bridge”

Criss Cross and go under the bridge
Then you got to pull it tight.
Make a loop but keep a long tail
That is how to do it right
Then you take the other string
and you wrap it 'round the loop
Pull it through the hole
Now you got the scoop

Criss Cross and go under the bridge
Now you made a Double Knot!

“Teepee Tying”

Build a tee pee
Come inside
Close it tight so we can hide
Over the mountain
And around we go
Here's my arrow
And here's my bow!

There are many disruptions in the chronological history of shoe lace tying. For example, in the 1800s one simply did not tie their shoes if they were wealthy, and sometimes even if they weren’t. The fashion in that time period was suited towards buckles and pull-on boots. So your shoes either clasped closed or didn’t need to be closed at all! Much later in the timeline of shoe history, let’s say mid 1980s or so, the development of Velcro became a fashion revolution. Everything simply had to have Velcro on it, so much to the disappointment of the beloved shoe lace, Velcro became the “cool” and “hip” way to fasten everything; even shoes. Merely ten years later in the 90s the trend of tying shoelaces took a toll for the worst. In years previous 99.9% of children still had to learn to tie shoe laces at some point, but the invention of a type of elastic shoe lace made it so one could wear laced shoes without ever learning to tie them. These elastic shoe laces were made in bright friendly colors and spiral shapes. When the elastic spiral was threaded through the grommet holes in the shoe and pulled tight the elastic constricted, holding its place without ever being tied. Millions of children in the 90s missed out on learning to properly tie their laces simply because of a silly fad. It was disastrous to say the least.

Shoelace history like most histories had a rather dull and dreary beginning but over the years it has developed into a colorful past; literally! In recent times the shoe lace isn’t just a way to tie a shoe but it is also a fashion statement, or a way to express oneself. Due to the demand for new and exciting shoe fashion statements or “shoe-statements” shoe laces are now available in every color of the rainbow, many different patterns, and even with graphics or lettering on them. For example, my personal favorite pair of shoelaces is a pair of light blue laces with yellow ducks on them. I also happen to own a pair of invader zim (a nickelodeon cartoon) laces, a pair of pink and white star laces, hello kitty laces, a striped rainbow pair and solid green and yellow laces. As you can see by my personal collection, shoe laces are not only a way to display your personality but also an easy way to at color to an otherwise dreary outfit.

The past few years, shoe-statements have even made their way into more formal settings. Along with the tennis shoe, converse all-stars, shoe-statements seemed to have invaded the realm of Prom attire. It is now common practice for a guy to not only match his tie and cumber bund to a dates dress but also find suitable shoelaces in the same color. Even girls have decided to opt out of buying pricy designer heals and instead go for a comfy sneaker with matching colored laces.

In my last, and most likely futile, attempt to explain to the world the glories of shoe-statements I would like to delve into the more avante garde forms of shoe lace tying. From personal experience, as well as observation I can proudly declare that the art of shoe tying has left off of the shoe itself. It is not uncommon to see laces displayed in many unusual areas of fashion. For example, laces have been placed on bodices and corsets for far longer than they are been on shoes! But aside from lingerie (which is a bit too risqué of a topic for our younger readers) I have personally put a shoe lace of two to use as the following fashion statements: 1) a nifty (but also comfortable) wristband, 2) a fashionable headband, 3) unique hair bow, 4) a tourniquet for when one is stuck in the wild and trip and slice their leg open and finally, 5) an orthopedic leg band (since I am too lazy to wrap my knees properly before running and too forgetful to remember my brace).

I found this next fact SO interesting that it needed its own paragraph. So here goes, did YOU know that  the plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets. Yeah, that’s right.

Since I have hereby (and slightly over 1200 legitimate words I might add) have finished delving into the mysterious past of shoelace tying, I would like to take some time to explain why it is that I have written this manifesto. The first and most important reason is that my wonderful (but slightly obnoxious J) boyfriend complained that he has to write 1500 word papers on really really boring engineering topics. Being the English major that I am, I was appalled to put it frankly. “I could write 1500 words on tying my shoes!” I replied. To this he said something along the lines of “you won’t” or some other sort of disbelief, I remember not what he said exactly but that hardly is of consequence. So having explained the backstory of this paper I continuing on to inform you, dear reader, of the other reasons for typing this logically thought out paper that has absolutely, positively, not an inch of bullshit in its pages. The second reason, slightly less important of than the first is that I enjoy writing about nonsense, so when prompted to write 1500 words on something as silly and peculiar as tying ones shoes I simply jumped at the chance to dazzle the world with my eloquently worded and beautifully sculpted essay on tying ones shoes. Thirdly, and finally, I believe that this may in fact help some of those unfortunate 90s children finally learn to tie their shoes.